Mouthwash Banned!

Lubications of All Kinds Outlawed At 30,000 Feet

TSA employee Rhonda "slick hands" Jones gleefully peeks at the start of her secret stash of toiletries she confiscated from disgruntled air travelers on August 10, 2006 at JFK airport in New York.

(new security measures for air travel - 8/10/2006)

New Security Measures at U.S. Airports
The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security has determined that there is a high risk of terrorism against U.S. civil aviation, and the need for extra restrictions to assure the security of air travel. In order to address the higher risk, the Department of Homeland Security has implemented the following new security measures until further notice.

No liquids or gels are permitted to enter the sterile area through the screening checkpoint or be in accessible property or on one’s person except:
Baby formula, breast milk, or juice if a baby or small child is traveling·

Dylan Gibbs, age 6 months, was sent to the Guantanamo facility shortly after this photo was taken.

Prescription medicine with a name that matches the passenger’s ticket·
Insulin and essential other non-prescription medicines

A displaced hippie at San Francisco International Airport rests peacefully after being told his methadone can stay in his carry on items.

Examples of liquids and gels prohibited in these security measures include:
Beverages
Shampoo (and Conditioner!)

Rogaine

Soap

Hand Sanitizer

Makeup

Lipstick/Lip Balm/Lip Gloss
Suntan Lotion/Self Tanner

Nancy Jackson of Kalamazoo, TN reacts as TSA officials throw away her flavored lubricants and hot oils.

Creams/Lotions/Moisturizer/Toner
Toothpaste

Mouthwash
Hair Gel/Pomade/Mousse & Foam

Anti-perspirant & Deodorant

Toiletries collected at US airports donated to minority children to sell back to you outside of local shopping malls.

Shaving Cream/Gel/Aftershave

Hairspray

Perfume/Cologne

Contact Lens Solution

Miniure Liquor Bottles

Summer's Eve and other women's douche products

Flavored and Unflavored oral, vaginal and anal lubrications

Spermicide

Lubricated condoms

A security dog at Los Angeles International airport attacks Lisa Cummings shortly before TSA officials discovered her trying to slip a bottle of Binana breath spray past the security check point.

Preparation H

Anti-Fungal Creme

Wart Remover

Nair

Cough Syrup

Nasal spray

Vic's Inhaler

Zit creme

Baby Oil/Massage Oils

United State Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff explains to reporters the advantages of non-lubricated condoms.

Also, you will not be allowed to bring any liquids or gels purchased after passing through the security checkpoint onboard the aircraft.

F.B.I. Director Robert Mueller demonstrates how to safely fist one's partner without lubrication.