BBQ Party Aug 06

BBQ Party 8/12/2006
just a few of my favorities

Mouthwash Banned!

Lubications of All Kinds Outlawed At 30,000 Feet

TSA employee Rhonda "slick hands" Jones gleefully peeks at the start of her secret stash of toiletries she confiscated from disgruntled air travelers on August 10, 2006 at JFK airport in New York.

(new security measures for air travel - 8/10/2006)

New Security Measures at U.S. Airports
The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security has determined that there is a high risk of terrorism against U.S. civil aviation, and the need for extra restrictions to assure the security of air travel. In order to address the higher risk, the Department of Homeland Security has implemented the following new security measures until further notice.

No liquids or gels are permitted to enter the sterile area through the screening checkpoint or be in accessible property or on one’s person except:
Baby formula, breast milk, or juice if a baby or small child is traveling·

Dylan Gibbs, age 6 months, was sent to the Guantanamo facility shortly after this photo was taken.

Prescription medicine with a name that matches the passenger’s ticket·
Insulin and essential other non-prescription medicines

A displaced hippie at San Francisco International Airport rests peacefully after being told his methadone can stay in his carry on items.

Examples of liquids and gels prohibited in these security measures include:
Beverages
Shampoo (and Conditioner!)

Rogaine

Soap

Hand Sanitizer

Makeup

Lipstick/Lip Balm/Lip Gloss
Suntan Lotion/Self Tanner

Nancy Jackson of Kalamazoo, TN reacts as TSA officials throw away her flavored lubricants and hot oils.

Creams/Lotions/Moisturizer/Toner
Toothpaste

Mouthwash
Hair Gel/Pomade/Mousse & Foam

Anti-perspirant & Deodorant

Toiletries collected at US airports donated to minority children to sell back to you outside of local shopping malls.

Shaving Cream/Gel/Aftershave

Hairspray

Perfume/Cologne

Contact Lens Solution

Miniure Liquor Bottles

Summer's Eve and other women's douche products

Flavored and Unflavored oral, vaginal and anal lubrications

Spermicide

Lubricated condoms

A security dog at Los Angeles International airport attacks Lisa Cummings shortly before TSA officials discovered her trying to slip a bottle of Binana breath spray past the security check point.

Preparation H

Anti-Fungal Creme

Wart Remover

Nair

Cough Syrup

Nasal spray

Vic's Inhaler

Zit creme

Baby Oil/Massage Oils

United State Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff explains to reporters the advantages of non-lubricated condoms.

Also, you will not be allowed to bring any liquids or gels purchased after passing through the security checkpoint onboard the aircraft.

F.B.I. Director Robert Mueller demonstrates how to safely fist one's partner without lubrication.

Don't Be an Asshole

The Stanley Cup of Douche-bagery


..... Parking in spots designated for handicapped persons when one is not handicapped or has any handicapped plates, stickers, or permits with their car.

My work building in Santa Monica has a whole plethora of able-bodied douchebags who park in the handicapped parking spots every day. Many MANY people in our building have complained to the parking attendants over this and to the building management office, but nothing changes.

On most days, all of the handicapped spots in our 4-level parking garage are taken; out of all of these spots (2 spots on three levels, 4 spots+ on the top level), only about 2 of the cars are actually being driven by handicapped-permited folks.

Several people in our building (including myself and others from my office) have also complained to the Santa Monica Parking Office (which happens to be located in our building as well). We are told that because our building & parking garage are private property that they have no authority over the garage. (Although they share our disdain.)

I've witnessed actual handicapped people driving around in circles in our lot looking for any close spot to the elevators since all of them are always taken.

On the parking level that I'm assigned to, there are 3 cars that usually share the two handicapped spots closest to the elevator. (While many other unreserved spots go empty.) Two of these cars are nice, new Mercedes. I guess the owners of these cars feel the are better than everyone else and their cars deserve a spot away from all the "regular" autos.

The other car that uses the handicapped spot belongs to one of the biggest douchebags I've ever been unfortunate enough to come across in my lifetime. He drives an early 90's gold SUV with a Christmas wreath attached to his front bumper, year-round. He's probably about mid-40's to early 50's white guy. Not only does this guy abuse the handicapped parking spots, but he also:

1. drives about 75 m/hr through the garage
2. almost runs down someone on a daily basis (he's barely missed me about 3 times)
3. screams obscenities at anyone who questions his behavior, asks him to slow down, etc...

Ahhh yes, welcome to the American workforce.

Stay tuned to this blog... I'm going to start photographing the above said douchebag's illegally parked cars and start posting them here online.

Smart Stuff I Like

Weekly Smart Stuff 8/3/2006

All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us
http://www.allyoursnakesbelongtous.com/

The Killers “When You Were Young”
http://www.islandrecords.com/thekillers/site.html

Dwight Schrute on “Lost Battlestar”
http://blogs.nbc.com/office/archives/archive_2006-w29.html

Battlestar Galactica (Seasons 1 & 2 now on DVD)
http://www.scifi.com/battlestar/

On My To Do List:
Movies:The Devil & Daniel Johnston (still not on DVD), Thank You For Smoking, Army of Shadows, An Inconvenient Truth, A Scanner Darkly, SNAKES ON A PLANE!
TV: Lost Season 2 out on DVD Sept 5th.
Travel: NYC in 15.5 days. Somewhere fun in early September? Ideas?
Misc: Must get Yosemite Photos online!

2006 Movies - Jan to June

2006 in Movies - The Lesser Half (a.k.a. January til right now...)

I lied already. 1st blog, 1st lie. I didn't see any new movies in January. I was still playing catch up with the 2005 stuff. Lions, witches, wardrobes, capotes, cowboys, & sorts.

The first new movie I saw this year was....
When A Stranger Calls (It was a client outing). Scary stuff for 10-year olds. * (1 star)
Just to start the new year off right, Firewall was next. No excuses for the garbage. 1/2 * I guess. I miss Han Solo.
V For Vendetta = fun times with baldy Portman and creeped-masked Hugo Weaving. ** 1/2. Inside Man easily became the "best new film of the year"! Seriously though, no one has done a bank robbery movie better since Quick Change. *** 1/2
You have to see Brick to believe it. Netflix has it, so go add it. **** Mission: Impossible III: So much better than the 2nd one, but no one will ever do it as good as Ridley did. ** 1/2 I walked into the theatre for Poseidon REALLY wanting to like it (The original is one of my all time faves), and left disappointed that every last person didn't die. 1/2 *? 1/4*? Did I spoiler the ending for you? Awww... I'll probably do that again with another movie before you're done reading this.
The DaVinci Code. Tom Hanks is old. Audrey Tatou is a skeleton with a pretty face. This movie was way too long, but I still really enjoyed it. *** X-Men: The Last Stand was the most forgettable of the trilogy. I barely remember what it was about. There was a bridge... Magneto moved it, and then Famke Janssen died. James Marsden too. I hate you Brett Ratner. ** 1/2 (Sorry, I told you I'd probably ruin something.)
The Break Up was probably the best romantic comedy I've seen in a long time, and we all know I hate rom-coms (unless they have zombies). Well, at least the best one since 40-Year Old Virgin. ***
Deep Sea 3-D, IMAX: Fish & stuff, in 3-D. ****
In Superman Returns Bryan Singer resurrects James Marsden as Lois Lane's other love interest. There's also Superman, superboy, and Lex Luthor. They run around Metropolis which is suddenly stuck somewhere between New York City (or Gotham) and Disney World, there's lots of water, the end. God complexes aside, I thought this was a great summer flick. Also, Superman has the best pomade ever. ***
Little Miss Sunshine can be best summed up by saying that Steve Carrell is my hero. *** 1/2.
Although Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest technically came out in the second half of the year... you don't care. I refuse to believe this movie made as much money as it did. Unless Jerry Bruckheimer dug up some cemeteries and rolled in some corpses, I’m filing this one away with the 2000 election. ** Jason Mewes is so much hotter these days. That's really all I have to say about Clerks II. More of what you expect. ** 1/2
Lady in the Water... I liked it... No... I sort of loved it. I know most of you probably hated it... but if you liked Crash, then you're opinion doesn't count. If you hated both Crash AND Lady in the Water, well then, you're obviously just miserable. ***